My Ruination

Note: There are pieces of you in this, and pieces of others too.

I can’t go outside in the rain anymore,
at least not with an umbrella.
It can be a torrential downpour,
and I’ll get soaked to the bone
just so the image of us kissing
under the shelter
of that absurdly bright green umbrella
doesn’t pop into my mind.

midnight runs to Wendy’s just for fries.
Hours staring at the starry sky.
the favorite color question.

I anticipate the feeling
of your presence on my mind.
at every corner that I turn
(It happens all the time)

You always loved my hair
fistfuls of curls
and even though you’re gone
I still can’t bare to cut it off
It’s perpetually tangled now.

I don’t listen to music anymore.
every song reminds me of you
and so I live in silence.
No Jimi, Paul, Joplin or Simon.
Hair bands are definitely out.
Don’t even get me started on No Doubt.
(That never made sense anyway)
But what I’ll miss most…
Death Cab, Feist, Good Old War
Your weird obsession with Barenaked Ladies.
Your absurd interpretation of NSYNC
and I’m still waiting for the day
when the opening notes of Owl City
won’t make me hear your name

You taught me how to love music
how to feel it in my soul
and dance
(oh how you and I would dance)
and no one moves as good as you
so I guess you ruined that too.

Ice cream doesn’t taste as good
even compared
to when you smashed it in my face
and that one sunrise we spent on our hill
takes my breath away still
That was my favorite time of day

Barnes and Noble. Village Inn.
Iron Man.
That calm summer time feeling
just after dusk
when the crickets chirp happily

And with odds like this
it’s unlikely that I’ll avoid the inevitable.
Please Please Please.
I hope you didn’t ruin love for me.


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