From: The One Still Here (Draft 1)

I sat up all night waiting
For this to be a dream
Because
Clearly, you had to be joking

You couldn’t be…

GONE.

A part of me,
Knew.
But didn’t want to believe.
That a three paragraph email
Could be the end of us.

(And the silence kills me.)

I didn’t even feel you leave
After all this time,
There must have been a sign,
I must have missed something

Because those words
cut so easily
A swift slash to my heart
they don’t make any sense

The fact that you’re…

GONE.

Hurts me.
So much more
Than I’d give you credit for

I never thought it’d end…
This way.

You were such a force
In my life,
How could you just leave?
So business like
In blaming me for things
So outside my own intentions

That’s not really fair
Now is it?

And you said,
“I want you”
like things would never change.
Except they already had.
And I said,
Nothing.
All because you asked me to.

(And you know how being speechless kills me)

You won’t allow me
My own attorney
To plead guilty
In my own ignorance,
My own selfishness.

But I have condemned us both
In verse.
Just like
You always knew I would.

But who cares,
you’ll probably never read this

because you’re…

GONE.

How inconvenient
For you to leave
Just when I was getting
Back on my feet.

The feet you used to tangle yours in
To fight off the cold chill
I’d never noticed until you came along.

And my feet are cold again
Without you.
I wear socks to sleep
But they do nothing
Next to missing you even more.

Even in missing you though
I don’t do enough to satisfy you
I’m never enough—

So you decided that you’re better off…

GONE.

And I have a tendency
To agree with you
On most of life’s
Controversies

Yet, with this one…

You have a tendency
To brush off the other side
Without even a glance,
To acknowledge
What the other guy
might have to say

You leave me,
Just like that.
Like there’s nothing left to say
Like you have every right
To just disappear
Like you are the only one this affects

Like the fact that you’re…

GONE.

Doesn’t break my heart.

Because it does
In a way I never expected it
To shatter,
Was it something you expected?
Did you even think it could?

Did you stop to think
That maybe,
I was vulnerable too?
And that maybe,
Given time
Things would have worked out
The way you wanted them to.

But now that you’re

GONE.

There’s no chance.
You’ve lost it.
And I’ve lost you.

Because of a three paragraph email.
We’ve lost ourselves.

How poetic.

Except—
that it’s not poetic
At All.
It’s not even tragic,
It’s just…
so like us

“Us”
That doesn’t exist anymore
You’ve made sure of this,
Even though you were the one that
wanted there to be an
“Us”
And you just took it away,
Like taking candy from a baby

Except—
Have you ever tried taking candy from a baby?
It’s not as easy as it sounds.
It’s quite difficult actually.

Except—
I am not a child.
I am a woman
Who doesn’t believe in happily ever afters
Who doesn’t believe in finality of anything
Who doesn’t believe in giving up

just because the odds are against “us”
and just because perfection doesn’t exist
and just because someone else says you’re not worth it.

You are a man,
Acting like a boy
Who is too afraid to try
Who is too afraid to listen
Who is too ignorant to realize

That love takes time
And patience
And hard work
And…

And it means you have to be…

HERE.

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