The Truth of the Matter

Do you remember when you quoted
Into the Woods
and told me I’d get major brownie points
if I knew the source?

I do.

And I racked my brain
much longer than I should have
because I wanted to impress you.

I wanted you to think,
“this girl is so amazing…
she knows my favorite lyrics”

And I considered googling it,
I almost did it too.
My pinky was ready to hit enter on the search bar

But we’d promised we’d be honest.

So I told you I didn’t.
No brownie points for me.

And now those brownie points
seem so trivial
in comparison
to the miles between us
and how far apart our souls are

You used to be the reason
I got up in the morning
and the reason
I didn’t go to bed till 2 or 3am

You were my before
my after
and everything I could fit in between

It’s harder when the nostalgia kicks in
to let go
Even after all that’s happened…

I’m afraid to let go.

I’m beginning to think though
that it’s the only way to save us
And part of me wonders
if there’s anything left to save…

Or maybe I’m just not used to change
although you entering my life was such
a rush
so unseen…

I’m grasping at straws
trying to decide

the truth is…

I don’t want to decide.
I just want this to be simple.

And in a way,
it is.

I’m just over-thinking
over-analyzing
over-complicating it.

That’s what I do.

And you,
you know that.
You know me so much better
than I’d like you to.

And I,
I know you.
I know you so much better
than you think I do.

Which makes this so much worse
Because I know how you’re feeling
and why you’re feeling that way
because I feel
felt it too.

I wish I could tell you
that’s it’s all going to be okay.
But I can’t lie to you.
and things aren’t okay.

All I can say is…
I’m in pain too.

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