Hello

This is the start of the end.

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Burn

I saved every letter you wrote me
From the moment I read them
I knew you were mine
You said you were mine
I thought you were mine


You and your words flooded my senses
Your sentences left me defenseless
You built me palaces out of paragraphs
You built cathedrals
I’m re-reading the letters you wrote me
I’m searching and scanning for answers
In every line
For some kind of sign
And when you were mine
The world seemed to

Burn
Burn

March 8th, 2011-Day Forty-Two

Today I woke up feeling much better than yesterday. You’re usually right when it comes to that theory. Sleep does help the mood usually. I was singing ” oh what I beautiful morning” on my way to class. I don’t really know why. It just happened.

But now I can’t remember if I locked my car or not…now it’s all I can think about. I have this weird feeling it’s going to get stolen or broken into. Gah.

Concerning you, today I’m neutral. Neither here nor there about it. Which is a much better scenario than most other possibilities. I think this is what I prefer actually. It’s simple and undramatic. You’re still constantly on my mind though. That’s practically a given. If only being in your life could be so easy.

“If you could be in my life like you’ve been on my mind, it’s be so easy.” -Schyler Fisk (“Hello”)

That song fits perfectly for us, at least this day anyway.

It’s a beautiful day outside. One of the best we’ve had in months I think. I”m sure you’d love it. Still chilly but sunny with only a few clouds scattered in the sky. These are the days I remember why I love this town so much.

I can’t believe I’ll be leaving this place in only a few months. Some days I with I wasn’t. I really do love it, but I”m learning that I must sacrifice a lot of what I want to get what I need. So I’m going to live with my parents while I student teach. I think I told you that at some point. I’m excited to be home–spend time with friends I rarely see during the year. It’ll be good, but I will miss this.

I started a blog for my photography. I’m going after it, just like you always told me I should. It’s a small step toward running my own business but it’s still a step nonetheless.

I just wish I had more time I suppose that is how it will always be though.

My life hasn’t stopped. I just want you to know that I am moving forward–I am getting better. I am trying to get out of my funk. I am trying to be a better version of myself, not for you, but for me.

____________

Don’t know where to put you anymore
You can’t be kept inside my dresser drawer
I find the pieces of you in my dreams
And in the evenings
Spill out the edge of my mind.
Memories of you feel like they’re miles wide
It’s all I can do to get to the other side
Of these evenings

I’ll see you tonight in the back of my mind
When I remember your skin like I remembered it then
When you would dress me in white with the look in your eyes
Knew you’d love me forever
Before I ever knew better

Can’t see myself back beside you
But I see nobody else
Nobody’s perfect but I’m perfectly happy to keep on
Bringing this love down off the shelf.

I’ll see you tonight in the back of my mind
When I remember your skin like I remembered it then
When you would dress me in white with the look in your eyes
Knew you’d love me forever
Before I ever knew..

Better off, I couldn’t say if I’d be better off without a love I live without anyway
Better off, oooh. Who knows? See you tonight.
Before I ever knew better

-Sara Barielles

February 18th, 2018–A Playlist

  1. I Don’t Think About You-Kelly Clarkson
  2. Heartbreak-Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
  3. Praying-Kesha
  4. Somebody That I Used to Know-Goyte & Kimbra
  5. She Used to be Mine-Sara Bareilles
  6. When We Were Young-Adele
  7. Landslide-Dixie Chicks
  8. Burning House-Cam
  9. Send My Love (To Your New Lover)-Adele
  10. Chainsaw-The Band Perry

It’s always a mixed bag.

 

January 31st, 2011-Day Six

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you’d gone
And let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I’d do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I’m standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you’d gone
And the world spins madly on

-The Weepies