I’m angry at you for doing it.
I’m angry at me for falling for it.
But unlike so many times before…forgiveness is easier. There is no reason to stew in this. There is no reason to react at all. All I can do is hope that we’ve both grown up enough to just let it go.
Because ultimately, this changes nothing.
Some days you’re the asshole.
Some days I am.
Today I think it’s both of us.
I thought about the possibility of your presence in my inbox, a new set of words strung together in hindsight.
I didn’t hate it.
I know it won’t happen. It shouldn’t.
I don’t hate that either.
But I do wonder what you’ve learned in the space between who you were and who you are.
I know I’ve learned a lot.
But there are some things I suppose I’ll never know.
You make me think that I’m destined to be alone.
I wonder sometimes if I’d recognize your voice after all this time.
I’m really not sure.
And I don’t know how to feel about that.
Sometimes, I think it was never really about you.
You were just there, a catalyst in my making.
And while I know this isn’t true, it’s a comforting thought.
I think it’s fair to say that I never want to see you again,
but if I do,
it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world anymore.
It’s comforting to know where you are in this world,
and it’s comforting to not know too.
This isn’t about you, but I have to tell you…to scream into the void that separates us…
It’s hard sometimes, to be here.